I’ve been struggling.
I’ve been struggling really bad if I’m being honest. As the days come faster to when I leave for my mission (18 days in case you were wondering) my head has been flooded with doubts all from Satan…
“You won’t have any friends when you get home”
“You’re not smart enough”
“You’re not strong enough”
“You can’t do this”
“Why would you leave your life behind, you’re wasting time”
“You’re not good enough”
“Your testimony isn’t strong enough”
“Why would God send you?”
“You know nothing”
Every single day I wonder these things, and every single day I have to constantly fight these negative thoughts away, and sometimes I don’t win the battle.
Tonight as I was writing another article, “Choose The Right” which is about my choice to serve I realized something so so so important. It changed my entire outlook and immediately gave me peace and comfort.
I realized that there must be some talent or passion or anything that I could use to reach out to someone and touch their life, even if it only is one person, they matter. I realized that something I will do or say or show will change someone else’s life forever. That there has to be something special about me for the Lord to call me, that the Lord knows I am good enough, strong enough and smart enough.
Then the heartwarming thought came to me that God trusts me.. ME, Faith Rebecca Higley to represent Him and His church. What an amazing feeling that is that the Lord knows that I can do this. He knows that I will teach and preach and give it my all. He knows that I can accomplish the things which I have been sent to earth to do. He knows I can accomplish hard things and He knows that I can change people’s lives forever.
He knows me and trusts me, God believes in me and I’ve learned to trust and believe in Him.
Scary right? But so exciting and so reassuring at the same time. God does not call anyone and everyone on a mission. I’ve had plenty of friends who have wanted to go on missions so badly but when the prayed for the answer to know if they should go, they got the answer no. That it wasn’t right for them, that God has something else in store for them.
So I realized how blessed am I that I get the opportunity to choose to serve Him and His people for 18 months! How blessed am I for the Lord to send me to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania to teach His people! How blessed am I that the Lord has prepared me for this next step in my life. I am so blessed for the chance and opportunity to change my life and others by bringing them closer to Christ.
I am so blessed.
So if you have the opportunity to serve the Lord do it! You don’t have to go on a mission to serve, teach and change lives around you. BUT “if ye have desires to serve God ye are called to the work;” -D&C 4:3.
And if you know in your heart and in your mind that you’re supposed to serve a mission but have no desire, pray. Pray for that desire and don’t give up. Listen to the promoting of the Holy Ghost. God will help you.
Everything won’t just be alright when you get back, but better than you could’ve imagined.
The church is true! God loves each one of us and knows that is truly best for us. We must trust Him and align our will with His.
We are all not just good enough, but we are more than enough.
Keep an eye out for my next post “Choose The Right” for my reasons on why I’m choosing to serve the Lord.